My Sad Little Top 25

I’m still been in a funk ever since my bad news from last week. I’m trying my hardest to not let all the negative emotions get the best of me and remain positive throughout all of this. It just blows because I should be closing tomorrow if everything went according to plan. But I am meeting with my realtor tomorrow to start the whole process all over again. I know the situation isn’t hopeless and that I will find a place that I love as much as the last place. It just wasn’t meant to be (although I feel like shit like this has been happening a lot lately to me).

Instead of writing about how woe is me and indulging in a pity party, I am giving you my top 25 songs played on my iTunes. I never really noticed that feature on my iTunes until the other night and out of curiosity clicked to see what songs I choose to play over and over again. Mind you I am the biggest teenybopper I know, so please don’t make fun of me as you read this.

25) Ain’t It Funny – Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule
Hahaha, I never realized how much I love this song until I saw it on my list. Its got a great beat that you can shake your booty to, and I love that she’s singing about a stupid boy who realized too late that he wanted her, but now can’t have her. Sweet revenge.

24) Water Runs Dry – Boyz II Men
Man, this song brings me back to high school and college with my first serious relationship. I was trying so hard to salvage it and this song spoke volumes to me. I didn’t want the water to run dry on our relationship and stayed with him for much longer than I should have. Its so funny how caught up you can get in a relationship.

23) I Gotta Be – Jagged Edge
I’m such a sucker for sappy love songs. My favorite line in this song is “Don’t want to make a scene/I really don’t care if the people stare at us/Sometimes I think I’m dreamin.” Actually I love the entire song.

22) Girlfriend – NSYNC featuring Nelly
The first of many NSYNC songs, I’m sure. I think this may be their first cross over song of NSYNC’s showing their growing popularity and street cred (Did I really just write that?). This was pre Lance Bass coming out and Justin Timberlake embarking on a very successful solo career. But I still heart JC.

21) Free – Mya
Such a girl anthem; this song is all about being single and free and not needing no man to make you happy. I always play this song before I’m going out to get me all hyper and pumped for the evening.

20) Open Arms – Journey
I’m actually surprised that this song is in my top 25. Out of all the Journey song’s, I would assume that Don’t Stop Believing would be on here. Strange.

19) Build My World – JC Chasez
Out of all the NYSNCers I believe that JC has the best voice. Granted, Justin has his falsetto, but it can grate on my nerves if he sings too long with it. Another sappy romantic love song and really shows the range in JC’s voice.

18) Holla Back Girl – Gwen Stefani
Again, another surprise song on my list. I never realized I played this song so much. I used to ridicule it so much when it first came out. It does have a good beat and is a great song to run to, so perhaps that’s why its so high on my list.

17) Closer – Goapele
This song is off the Honey soundtrack. Its got a nice, smooth, slow jazzy beat. I remember going to the premiere of this movie and dancing in the parking lot with my girls Shama and Kiah. We wanted to come up with a dance routine for our upcoming Jingle Ball. Good times.

16) Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know – Britney Spears
Classic Britney before she became the train wreck that she is now. This is before the head-shaving, before her two failed marriages, hell this is even before she was with a Mr. Timberlake. Favorite line, “Your body language says so much/I see it in the way we touch.”

15) Miss You – Aaliyah
She died way too soon. She was at the pinnacle of her career when her plane crashed. I bet if she were still alive today, she would be producing great music. This song is for any ex-boyfriend I have ever missed.

14) I Thought She Knew – NSYNC
Second NSYNC song. Again, surprised this one is so high, since its not one of my favorites. Maybe I just like the vocals?

13) I Wanna Be Bad – Willa Ford
I’m embarrassed that this is even on my iTunes. But I obviously like this song. Whatever happened to her?

12) Nice And Slow – Usher
This is such a great before sex song. It gets you right in the mood for some good loving. Enough said.

11) Shiver – Maroon 5
One of my favorite Maroon 5 songs. It’s about going after someone that’s unattainable, and doing anything necessary to get that person. You’re so infatuated with that person that the mere thought of them makes you shiver. My favorite verse “I shudder when I hear your name/I think about you/but its not the same/Won’t be satisfied till I’m under your skin”

10) Some Girls(Dance With Women) – JC Chasez
This was his first single off his debut solo album. I like dancing to it and imagining him watching me (Pervy much?)

9) Boys – Britney Spears
And she makes the countdown a second time. This used to be my ring tone, that’s how much I loved this song. Sometimes a girl just needs a boy to play with.

8) Iris – Goo Goo Dolls
Sappy romantic love song. Whenever I’m feeling lonely or depressed, playing sappy love songs keep me in that melancholy mood that I want to be it. Its kind of a self-torture that I inflict upon myself. This really is a sweet, loving song.

7) I’m Good – Blaque
Another girl power song about being good without a man in their lives. I think more women artists need songs like this to show women out there that a man doesn’t complete their lives, and that they are just as fine without one.

6) Pump It – Black Eyed Peas
Great beat, great tempo, great workout song. This is the first song on my workout play list and always pumps me up for a strong session.

5) Dear Goodbye – JC Chasez
Wow, he’s on here a third time! This song is about saying goodbye to a boyfriend and knowing that sometimes its better to just walk away than try to be together even if you still love that person. No one’s really to blame, you two just weren’t meant to be.

4) Bootylicious – Destiny’s Child
“I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!’ may be one of the best lines in all of music history. Another booty shaking song that I can dance silly to.

3) Bringin Da Noise – NSYNC
OMG, why is this song so high up my list? It’s freaking number 3 and again, not one of my favorites. No explanation.

2) Gone – NSYNC
I sure do like NSYNC. This truly deserves to be this high. JT looks so freaking hot in this video and sings this song all by his lonesome. You just knew he was ready to be solo when he performed this.

1) I’m A Slave For You – Britney Spears
My all-time favorite Britney song. She looked fantabolous in this video. Where did she go? I miss this Britney. She needs to come back.

And that’s my top 25. A few notes here:

- I have not updated my iTunes in ages hence no recent songs on here like SexyBack or Lost Without you – Robin Thicke

- My play list reads like it’s coming from an 11 year old. I really need better taste in music.

- I really need better taste in music

- And once more with feeling, I really need better taste in music.

Shocking News

Last Thursday was a very shitty day for me. I got some really upsetting news. The developer of my condo called me to inform me that they would be canceling the contract on my new condo. I was at work, when she called me. When she first told me the news, I did a double take and asked if she was joking. Unfortunately she was not.

I was in complete shock when she started to explain the situation to me. Originally I was supposed to be closing this upcoming Thursday, but the developer called me two weeks ago notifying me that they would be pushing my settlement date to September 18. When I asked why, she gave me some bullshit excuse about needing internal approvals on their end and with people being on vacation it wouldn’t happen right away. So we rescheduled everything and I was annoyed that they waited two weeks before I was to settle to tell me this. But I didn’t think anything was wrong or thought to question further.

I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be closing in two weeks, but just sucked it up and rescheduled my moving date and took a break from all the packing. When I got the call about terminating my contract I was devastated. Apparently the current developer is being sold to another development company and the new development company has decided to keep the units as rentals instead of converting them into condos. And there is a clause in my contract that they can cancel without notice prior to closing. So they are in their legal rights to pull the rug from under me, but it doesn’t ease the pain, hurt and rage that I am feeling.

I was livid on the phone. I kept saying “Unacceptable” and come September 30, I won’t have a place to live since I have given notice to my leasing office. The developer’s compensation for me is that I can rent the exact unit that I wanted to purchase at my current rent with one month’s rent-free. OMG, I’m jumping up and down at this exciting opportunity for me. Instead of purchasing a place that I fell in love with, I can lease it for a year with a clause that I can break my lease at any moment! What a slap in my face. They have got to be fucking kidding me that I would be happy with this option.

I also brought up the point that they knew this could happen two weeks ago and why wasn’t I informed of this turn of events when they postponed my closing. Their answer was that they thought the new developer would still move forward with all the current contracts. I pointed out that if they had told me this could happen two weeks ago, I could have cancelled my contract and made new plans, but no, I thought everything was ok and that I would still be closing on my new home. I wasted two weeks by not looking for something else. These motherfuckers won’t even compensate me for my moving deposit or my $475 application fee for my mortgage. I seriously think they should reimburse me for that and more!

Luckily I won’t be homeless at the end of September. As tempting (can you sense my sarcasm) as their offer sounds about renting my dream home, I called my leasing office and found out that my apartment has not been rented out yet, so I just cancelled my notice to move out. There is no way in hell I would move there after the shady tactics and the way they treated me.
I am so angry. Yesterday I had a mini-breakdown where I kept screaming and wanting to punch the shit out of my walls, but the walls and my poor hands don’t deserve that. Tears were raining down my face and I just felt so helpless and defeated. Out of all the things that could happen like not being approved for a loan, I never expected this. I never thought in my wildest dreams that my contract would be terminated. I was so looking forward to moving and decorating my new home. In my mind I was already living there. It’s a huge disappointment that I won’t be doing that now.

I know that everything happens for a reason and that fate has intervened for some reason, but it’s really hard for me to see the bright side of this right now. Everyone keeps telling me that this place wasn’t meant to be and I’ll find a new home that’s even better than the last one. And I’m sure they are right, but it’s hard not to be discouraged about the whole thing. I really am trying to keep a positive attitude and not allow my negative thoughts to take over. I just fell in love with that condo and I was so close to moving into it. I’m just afraid that I won’t find a place where it just felt perfect like this place did.

Being Committed

After my high from reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows it was really hard for me to get engrossed in another book. I kept browsing the shelves in the library picking up various books, but never getting quite far into them. I’d read a few chapters and the words couldn’t get my attention so I’d be done with it.

I finally picked up a book that didn’t bore me. Its called Being Committed by Anna Maxted. I liked the premise of the book. A woman gets proposed to by her boyfriend and instead of being happy and jubilant, she breaks up with him for wanting to get married. Can we say commitment issues? (BTW, I have such commitment issues, so I figured I could relate)

Hannah realizes that she has made a huge mistake and decides she wants her boyfriend Jason back. Jason says that he will only take her back if Hannah agrees to work out her issues with her ex-husband Jack. Turns out Hannah has been married before when she was a lot younger and it ended in divorce. Jason believes this is where her commitment-phobia stems from.

Hannah is emotional detached from others and has a hard time maintaining important relationships within her life. But she is willing to try for Jason. They have been together for five years and since he can put up with her, than it must be love.

She gets in touch with her ex-husband, Jack and apologizes for the way their marriage crumbled. He opens her eyes to certain truths about her life and forces her to get to the root of her problems.

Eh, the book was ok. I liked the spin of it being a woman scared of being in a serious relationship instead of the man. But Hannah’s character just wasn’t very likeable. There was nothing about her that made me want to root for her. Even Jason and Jack weren’t that likeable either. Jason seemed like a spineless, whiny man who put up with a shitty relationship for five years. And Jack was a pig-headed, emotional asshole that would be downright mean to Hannah. I don’t see what she saw in either one of them, and I have no idea what they saw in her.

Farewell RockStar!

My dear friend Kiah is shaking things up and moving to the West Coast. She leaves this Monday and will be driving cross country, stoping along the way to visit various cities and friends. I'm so sad to see her go, but am so excited for her because I know this is what she has wanted to do for some time and am proud of her decision to follow through.

Kiah and I became friends while working as part-time promotions assistants for HOT 99.5. We had so much fun going to concerts, movie premieres, and clubs. Eventually both of us secured full-time positions within the company.

Throughout our 3+ years of friendship, I can say that Kiah is one of my favorite people in the world. Anytime we hang out together we always have a blast filled with laughter and great conversation. She has introduced me to such things as Dane Cook, The Junkies, and had tried to increase my appreciation of music that isn't bubble gum pop. We have shared a love of Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke and great food and wine. I have tried to impart on her my obsessions with Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings. (We never did have our Lord of the Rings movie marathon)

I am truly going to miss Kiah and our adventures at Ocean Shitty, White Water Rafting, our birthday celebrations and random parties. I am going to miss Kiah's laid back, care free attitude, honest opinions and zeal for life. Luckily for me, she is moving to the Bay Area where my brother also lives so I can visit them both. So its not goodbye, just farewell for now. And I promise to see you soon.

Enjoy the photo montage that I created for Ms. Jones.

On a Side Note Pt 7 ...

I have an addiction that has gotten out of hand. It all started innocently enough. A friend of mine mentioned it to me and told me to check it out. So I did. No big deal, nothing I couldn't handle. But slowly I found myself thinking about it more often than not, and I also caught myself looking at it during work hours. I started to tell others about it so that they may enjoy it not even realizing these people were giving me looks of shock. And yesterday was the worst. Instead of being productive at work, I spent at least 4 hours of my day staring at these websites, not even hiding it from my boss. He walked by me at least three times and I was so engrossed in them that I hardly noticed a word he said to me. It's so embrassaing to admit, but I was on:

• Stuff on my cat
• Stuff on my mutt
• Cute Overload

All freaking day!!!! I have a problem, I know this. Its a sick, sick addiction and I need to be in rehab for this. I mean, I didn't care who saw me yesterday. I didn't even try to hide it. Usually if I'm looking at these websites at work, I minimize the screen anytime someone walks by me, but yesterday I was flaunting it. I'm worried. Even right now, I want to click on the links and spend my Saturday afternoon it cute animal bliss. And starting on Monday, Stuff on my cat will be posting a new picture on the hour, every hour! I won't get anything done at work! I'm in desperate need of an intervention

Fate & Destiny, Destiny & Fate

I am a firm believer in fate and destiny. I believe that fate intervenes in your life and that your destiny is right around the corner if you so choose it. It’s the Asian in me. Thai people are very superstitious and believe that your life has a path and the choices you make can lead you or deter you from your predestined course.

I don’t know if I would say I believe that my entire life is mapped out for me and irregardless of what choices I make, I will end up at my destiny. I do believe that perhaps certain things or events are destined to happen and that’s where fate comes along to guide me to make the proper choices to lead to my destiny. I firmly believe that you have to create your destiny and you’re in charge of how your life turns out.

So here is where my debate comes in. Growing up I used to think that if I didn’t act upon something, it wouldn’t happen. I couldn’t leave it to just fate; I had to make it happen. And I believed that if I didn’t act upon it, I lost my chance. I could never be patient and wait, I had to force things to happen because if I didn’t than who did?

Now that I’m a bit older, I’m not so quick to act rashly. I take a step back and question my motives behind my actions and sometimes think I should just let fate decide. But its so hard for me to sit back and not take an active role and just go with the flow. The little girl in me wants to charge blindly forward meeting life challenges head on; and the woman in me whispers its ok to not always be in control and to allow what may come be. For once in your life just sit still and acknowledge the quiet surrounding you and let fate lead you to your destiny.

It hard to train yourself after so many years of engrained thinking. It’s hard for me to sit back and not act, but I need to stop grasping for things that are too far out of my reach. I believe life has a plan for me and that good things do come to those who wait. I believe I have taken a few detours but fate has always guided me back and I’m supposed to be where I am right now.

I’m at the brink of entering a new phase in my life. I’m ready to embrace it and face the joys and challenges that lay ahead of me. Certain doors have closed, but new ones will open. I can let go of old memories and create new magical ones. I’m ready for chance to lead me to new discoveries and opportunities. That doesn’t mean I’ll always be a passenger and when fate throws me an opportunity, I’m not going to ignore it. I just want to sit back and enjoy the ride.

An Open Letter

To Whoever Stole my License Plate:

Thank you Dickwad for stealing my rear license plate and having the curtsey to put back the dealer frame on my car. While you were at it, why didn’t you bother giving my car a good wash? It could certainly use one.

Thank you also for now inconveniencing me to have to spend half a day at the MVA to get new license plates, where they will charge me $20 even though you stole them. Not only did you steal my license plate for illegal use, but I’m the one stuck paying for new ones. The least you could’ve done was leave me a nice crisp $20 bill on the dealer frame that you so thoughtfully put back on.

Thanks for making me have to put an ugly piece of paper on my rearview windshield that has my plate number along with the note “Reported Stolen to the Police” in the hopes that the police will not pull me over upon seeing unsightly note taped to window.

I hope they catch you, Fucktard, who stole my license plate. I hope the cops catch you and knife you to death. A bit extreme, but so deserving for petty criminals like you.

Sincerely,

Me

My Semi To-Do List That Isn't a Real List

Ugh, I have so much to do between now and when I move. I am the world’s biggest procrastinator and have no idea where to start. First thing I should do is go through all my crap and figure out what needs to be packed and what needs to be junked. I’m thinking I’m going to get rid of a lot of shit. No need to make my new place look cluttered or dirty. I am going to purge myself of unnecessary items.

I need to cancel my landline and Internet connection with Verizon. I hardly ever use my home phone. When I first moved into my apartment, I was living in the stone ages and still used dial-up, hence needed a phone connection. (It took me forever until I upgraded to DSL, and currently I use the lowest speed connection.) I think I can live without a landline, and although I think Comcast is the devil my new home isn’t set up for FIOS, so I will have to settle for the evil that is known as Comcast.

I have already cancelled my gym membership. Sacrifices have to be made and I do not go to the gym on a consistent enough basis for me to keep it. I will have to learn to run outside like all the regular folks out there. And I really hate street running.

I also have to decide which moving company I am going to use. Sadly, I am running low on reliable male friends that I can sucker; I mean, ask to help me move. Besides, I’m on the third level at my new home and there is no elevator. My bedroom furniture is quite big and bulky and I wouldn’t want any of my friends to throw out their backs trying to tackle those stairs. I’d rather just hire professionals. Even though my Dad wants me to rent a truck and just hire day laborers to move my stuff. That ain’t happening. I really like my furniture and do not want to see it crash down three flights of stairs into sticks.

I need to place follow-up calls with the sales office and my mortgage broker and make sure everything is on track for me to close at the end of August. I need an official close date and walk through. I plan on moving immediately after I close.

After I move, I have to clean my old apartment inside and out. I will probably have to steam vac the carpets again and do a thorough scrubbing of the kitchen and bathroom. I want my freaking deposit back! It’s going to take me at least two full weekends to make this place spotless. God, when did I become so messy? Must remember to change this behavior before I move into my new condo.

I’m sure the list goes on and on, but those are the priority for right now. I have made some progress. I packed up all my DVD’s tonight! Yay me!

My New Home!

I have some exciting news to share with everyone. I wanted to wait until everything was official and approved. I am buying a condo!!! I put a contract on a place a few weeks back and was waiting for my loan to be approved. I have been approved and should close on my new home at the end of August!

The Dining Room

I’m so excited. I cannot believe I am doing something so grown up as purchasing my own home. This has been a dream of mine for a while now. I feel like it’s the next step or progression that my life needs to take.

The living room

It’s a one-bedroom/one bathroom condo that is actually right next to Best Friend Ever. I can walk from my building to her. I wasn’t even planning on looking in her neighborhood, but she suggested that I should, and when I went I immediately fell in love with the place. My parents and I loved it and I put a contract on it that very same day.

The Kitchen

The condo has already been upgraded and has black granite countertops, stainless steel appliances and hard wood floors in the living and dining room. I even have a small balcony. I also have a washer and dryer and a huge washroom. I’m on the top floor, which is nice cause I won’t have to worry about hearing my neighbors above me. It’s approximately 792 square feet (a little bit smaller than my current place).

The bathroom

The place just feels right and I cannot wait to move in. I’m ecstatic to call this place my own, and I already have ideas on how I want to decorate it and what colors I want to paint. It’s all very nervous and thrilling at the same time.

My bedroom

And now I must pack myself up. Ugh, I hate packing. When did I gather up so much crap? How the hell am I going to pack up all my shit? Anyone want to help?