An Open Letter

To Whoever Stole my License Plate:

Thank you Dickwad for stealing my rear license plate and having the curtsey to put back the dealer frame on my car. While you were at it, why didn’t you bother giving my car a good wash? It could certainly use one.

Thank you also for now inconveniencing me to have to spend half a day at the MVA to get new license plates, where they will charge me $20 even though you stole them. Not only did you steal my license plate for illegal use, but I’m the one stuck paying for new ones. The least you could’ve done was leave me a nice crisp $20 bill on the dealer frame that you so thoughtfully put back on.

Thanks for making me have to put an ugly piece of paper on my rearview windshield that has my plate number along with the note “Reported Stolen to the Police” in the hopes that the police will not pull me over upon seeing unsightly note taped to window.

I hope they catch you, Fucktard, who stole my license plate. I hope the cops catch you and knife you to death. A bit extreme, but so deserving for petty criminals like you.

Sincerely,

Me