Dinner Time

I actually cooked dinner last night! I made chicken parmigiana with a combo of angel hair pasta and fettuccine or was that linguine? But is it really considered cooking when everything I made was already pre-cooked? I brought pre-cooked breaded chicken and figured I could probably do something with them. The brilliant idea of chicken parmigiana came into my head and since I was having a friend over for dinner, I thought why not.

All I had to do was stick the chicken in the oven. It cooked for 15 minutes and then I added cheese on top and viola, dinner was served. I warmed up some spaghetti sauce and warmed up some dinner rolls (some of them burned). It turned out to be a pretty decent meal. So I didn’t actually make anything from scratch – at least I made some dinner. I think the last time I attempted to make a meal was about a month and a half ago. I’m going to try and cook at least once a week. I need to put my cooking classes to good use.

Scary Times

Last night a bunch of my friends and I went to Markoff's Haunted Forest. And I have to agree with Ms. Jones analysis of our evening. If we didn’t have to wait for 2 ½ hours to get into the forest and pay $20 for it and if it was just a bit warmer out, than the night could’ve been a lot better. As haunted forests go, it still scared the crap out of me.

Best Friend Ever and I were in the back of the group and everyone in front of us was speeding through the little set ups. Her and I were clutching on to each other so we were just prime victims for the staff. They would come behind us and grab us or follow us while BFE and I tried desperately to catch up with the others. I kept screaming, “Wait up for us! Guys slow down!” I think the man with the chainsaw scared me the most. At one point I heard him behind us, and I grabbed BFE’s arm and started running. I was like we need to get the fuck out of here.

Halloween has never been a big holiday for me. Even as a little kid growing up I never really got that excited for Halloween. So this was something different to do instead of going to a party or the city and getting dressed up.

Fuck You

So much for not being the bitter, angry ex-girlfriend. After last night’s incident I am now that girl. Thanks for being such a pussy and dropping my keys off and picking up all your shit when I wasn’t home. Glad to know that you cannot be a real man about the situation and face me. Glad to know that our relationship meant that much to you that you couldn’t even give me a proper goodbye. I didn’t want to be angry or bitter at you, but after that display of cowardice and immaturity I have every right now.

Well you know what, fuck you asshole! If you are going to act like a fucking child, than I really have nothing more to say to you. You are such a coward and I can’t believe it has taken me this long to realize it. After last night I could care less if you fell off the face of this Earth. You no longer exist to me and I wish I could erase all memories of you. You don’t deserve me. You never have and you never will. So run away like you always do fuck face. The door is closed and I am never opening it to you again. You are such a little bitch and I am no longer wasting anymore time on your sorry ass.

I Got Fives

Five things I would do if I were a millionaire:

• Quit my job in a heartbeat!
• Buy my dream house that has a wrap around porch. Kinda like the house that Ryan Gosling built in The Notebook.
• Help my brother start up the restaurant that him and his fiance want to open up.
• Go to all the exotic locations that I have always wanted to visit.
• Invest the money so that it will continue to accumulate.

Five bad habits:

• Picking at the dry skin on the heels of my feet. I know its gross.
• Interrupting people as they are talking.
• Biting my nails.
• Not listening to people when they are talking to me.
• Always wanting things to go my way, but I don't really consider that a bad habit, but I'm sure other people do.

Five things I hate doing:

• Getting up in the morning to go to work.
• Cleaning.
• Cooking.
• Motivating myself to go to the gym.
• Packing and unpacking.

Five things I would never do:

• Get a perm again. I did it when I was 11 and I swear my hair has never been the same since then.
• Become a vegetarian. I love meat way too much to ever give it up.
• Get back into sales.
• Read another book by Anita Shreve. All her books are the same and I can predict what's going to happen next.
• Sit in a cemetary by myself.

Five things I regret doing:

• In my first year of college I stayed with my high school boyfriend and I didn't really get to experience the whole living at college life and making a bunch of new friends thing.
• I should cleaned my frog tank before I killed my frogs. Poor things, they didn't stand a chance living with me.
• When I quit my job, I wish I hadn't taken 6 months off because I really drained my bank account and now wish I had gotten a new job sooner.
• I wish I had listened to my parents and taken piano lessons when I was younger.
• Getting into the whole beanie baby craze. I was obsessed and now have a bunch of beanie babies.

My five favorite objects:

• My new car! She's so pretty and I still haven't named her.
• My i-pod. I take her with me all the time.
• My traveling coffee mug. I'm a coffee snob and hate the shit they have at work.
• My flat iron.
• My cellphone.

Book Reports

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold was such a good read. This book is about a girl named Susie Salmon who was murdered and is now in heaven looking at her family and friends and seeing how they cope with her murder. Each member in her family handles her murder in their own separate hell and instead of leaning on each other for support the murder seems to rip the family apart. And poor Susie can only watch the repercussions.

Sebold’s view of heaven and death is that every person has their own personal heaven and that heaven is always changing and evolving as that person grows into their death. The dead are always with us, watching us live our lives; some people such as Susie tend to watch more than others. And by no means is this a scary ghost story where it will creep you out.

It’s a compelling story about life, love and death. It’s about a family struggling to gain control over their lives after their devastating lost and how one cruel vicious act can turn your world upside down. Susie struggles to accept her death and the life that she will never get to live and it’s so sad to see her experience moments through her younger sister and brother.

I really want to read Sebold’s Lucky: A Memoir, which is about her own rape and the outcome following it including her addiction to heroin. I hear it’s a very raw and emotional read, and she wrote that before she delved into fiction, so I am curious to see if there are any parallels between her own experience and Susie’s. But that will be for another time.


I also just finished reading The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella. After reading a few very emotional driven novels, I needed some good old chick-lit. I actually hate this new wave of chick-lit because I feel that the stories are dumb-downed and only driven by plot, not real character depth, but another day to rant on that subject. Sophie Kinsella is one of the few authors in that genre that I really enjoy.

The Undomestic Goddess is pretty much how it sounds. Samantha Sweeting is an attorney who is over-worked and completely stressed out. She discovers that she made a huge error that could cost her client $50 million pounds (I can’t find the Pound symbol anywhere). She has a mental breakdown and ends up in the English countryside as a housekeeper.

And of course by the title, Samantha has no idea how to be a housekeeper. She doesn’t even know how to hoover (in the states we call it vacuum) or iron. Hell, I can hoover and iron, but I think I need a new iron. It doesn’t seem to be working properly and its brand-new too! Stoopid iron. Eventually Samantha learns all that she needs to know to become a good housekeeper and realizes that she does not want her old life back as a stressed out lawyer.
I can actually really relate to Samantha. Around this time last year I was in a job that I hated and almost drove myself to panic attacks and nervous breakdowns every other day. I hated it and once I quit my job, I felt this huge sigh of relief and the tension in my shoulders disappeared. I realized that no job is worth making your life miserable for and you need to do what makes you happy. Now if only I could find a job that I really enjoy. And again, another day on that topic.

Procrastination

Hahahaha, I should be cleaning my shithole of an apartment but instead I'm playing with blogger templates. Hahahahahaha. Man, I need to clean. Okay, I'm putting on my rubber gloves and will become Suzy Homemaker now. If I don't surface for a few hours, send for a search team.

Instant Karma

My roommate bought me this book Instant Karma awhile ago, and I just found it again on my bookshelf. Here are some of the little advice/sayings that I liked and highlighted:

• Imagine living your life without being afraid to take risk
• Become more peaceful with where you are in life
• Have control over your thoughts to have control over your speech
• Only here and now can you truly love -- the past is a memory, the future is a fantasy
• Recognize and value your mistakes
• Be comfortable with your body -- you will exude confidence and beauty
• Be true to yourself
• Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts
• Your experience is what you do with what happens to you
• Acknowledge your weakness
• Live each day for itself
• Mend your broken heart
• When you like someone tell them
• Don't try to plan every minute of your day.
• Let yourself feel things
• Sometimes not getting what you want is the best thing for you
• Let go of past sorrows as well as anxieties about the future
• Look for contentment from within
• Appreciate the silence of close friendship
• Master your past in the present or the past will master your future
• Love someone for who and what they are, without conditions
• Open yourself to feelings instead of pushing them away
• In silence, start to hear you own true voice
• Look at your life like a creative process
• Take time to dream
• Surrender to the now
• Know that every moment is unrepeatable and scared
• Nothing can bring you peace but yourself
• You create your reality with your thoughts and intentions
• Stop rushing around, sit quietly, switch off the world, and come back to the earth
• Accept yourself as you are, right now
• Stop searching for happiness in someone else
• Love can only exist in the present moment
• Have a reputation for spunk
• Be happy with what you have while working for what you want
• Strive most to understand what you fear most
• Take responsibility for what you do

Its nice to flip through this book every now and then.

Asshole at the Grocery Store

I really hate when you’re standing in the self-checkout line at the grocery store, and some asshole in front of you has a cart full of groceries. I think the common etiquette for the self-check out line should be 15 items or less. If you have a cart full of shit, then you should have the curtsey to go to a line that has a clerk. Instead this asshole goes to self-check out and holds up the line because once that little bagging area gets full, it won’t allow you to scan any items until you clear the bagging area. So this mother fucker had to stop occasionally to bag up his shit and then go back to continue scanning the rest of his stuff. What a dickwad! I seriously could’ve stabbed this asshole. I looked behind me and the line started to go back down the grocery store aisle. That idiot needs a good kicking in the pants.

Reflections

Isn’t it amazing how life can spiral out of control so fast? You can smell it in the air, sense its oncoming approach and yet as hard as you try to hold onto those you hold dear into your heart, you can’t stop the inevitable from happening. I could feel it, I saw the signs and I tried to calm myself, tried to tell myself that I was overreacting, but my gut instinct was telling me that it was over again.

For a month, my ex and I tried to work on our relationship. I was hoping we wouldn’t have the same outcome as last time. I wish we could’ve tried harder and put more effort into fixing what was wrong before. I wish he trusted me enough to open up to me, to let me in and communicate what he wanted out of this. But some things are easier said than done. And I’m not going to put the blame on him and say that it was all his fault. I was involved and I know what I did on my end that caused our relationship to end.

I’m not going to walk away like last time being so angry and bitter at him and at me. I’ve cried too many tears for him in the past and I refuse to do it again. I really do want to walk away from this not being angry, just more self aware of what I want out of a relationship and know what I deserve out of a relationship.

Sometimes it all just boils down to timing, but I don’t think that was necessarily our case. Maybe we aren’t ready to give each other what we need right now, but I’m not sure if that has to do with timing or our personalities and who we fundamentally are. Some people just aren’t meant to be together regardless of the situation. Maybe that’s him and I. I’ll never know all the answers to the questions that are floating around in my head.

I really do hope that eventually him and I can talk on a mature and rational level. I want nothing but the best for him. I hope he finds happiness in the next phase of his life. Throughout everything, he has always been a great friend to me and I know that I’ll miss that friendship more than anything.

And even though it ended this way, I don’t regret getting back together with him. I don’t regret that moment when we both decided to be together again and that feeling I got when I woke up next to him. I don’t regret looking into his eyes and feeling this warmth radiate from them. I don’t regret feeling the way I do when I’m with him. I remember one night, looking over at him while he was sleeping and knowing how uncertain our future was, and all I thought was this is worth it even if its just for this one moment, its all been worth it.

Wants

In one of my rambling depressed states I wrote this train of consciousness. Reading it reminds me of what I wanted at that particular moment in time. I think I still want a lot of those things that I wrote. I’m at a crossroads again in my relationship and I need to look deep inside of me and decide what do I really want out of this. What do I want out of him? What do I want for myself? I need to remember that feeling I had when I first wrote this.

I want to get lost again. I want to lose myself in someone and forget about the world around me. I want to feel what its like to be in love, the dizziness, the spinning, the barely breathing. I want to jump into the depths of uncertainty and float around. I don’t want my feet to touch the ground.

I want a love that will stand the test of time. I want to meet someone who will make me believe. I want to stare into someone’s eyes and know that that is where I belong. I want to be in his arms and feel that nothing can harm me as long as he doesn’t let go. I want a storybook romance. I want to live happily ever after.

I want to know what everyone keeps talking about. I want a love that is full of passion and tests the limits of insanity. I want our bodies to be on fire every time we touch. I want to be in a blissfully sweet dream and never wake up. I want someone to hold my hand. I want someone to fight for me. I want to be with someone whom I can build my life with. I want someone who brings out the best in me.

I want balance; I want stability. I want to love him more than life itself. I want to feel whole when I’m with him. I want to make him smile. I want to be protected and cherished. I want to be able to say nothing at all. I want to feel something that words cannot describe.

I want to be with someone whom I can’t live without. I want him to star in my every waking thought. I want to fall in love at first sight. I want my heart to race and feel butterflies in my stomach every time he smiles at me. I want my prince charming to ride up on his horse and rescue me from myself. I want to make beautiful children with him.

I want a partner, someone I can share my deepest secrets with. I want him to see the worst in me and still stand by my side. I want him to love me for all that I am and for all that I can be. I want him to be my every thing. I want trust; I want honesty. I want to be with someone who will make me become less selfish. I want someone who will be strong for me when I cannot be strong for myself.

I want to know that he is all I’ve ever wanted. I want every kiss to feel like the first. I want our hearts to beat as one. I want to throw caution to the wind and ride the sweet storm until the end. I want to feel his heartbeat beneath my ear as I lay on top of him. I want to spend my every waking moment with him.

I want to look at him fifty years from now and know that our love has only grown stronger. I want someone who loves my idiosyncrasies and believes they are cute. I want someone who won’t be afraid to say no to me. I want to be on fire and ice all at the same time. I want to remember what it feels like to have a crush again.

But most of all, I just want to believe that somewhere out there is someone who is perfect for me, and when I finally meet him, I’ll just know. I’ll just know by the way he looks at me, and by the way he makes me feel. And I won’t be scared, and I won’t run from it. I want to be happy and content and not second guess everything.

Hallelujah

Yay! My parents are coming home tonight! Yay! My parents are coming home tonight! No more babysitting! I'll finally be able to sleep in my own bed again. Yay!

Worst "Non-Date" Ever

I promised my friend I wasn’t going to write about my “non-date” with him, but looking back at it, I just can’t resist. I invited my friend, which I’ll call E, out to the movies on Saturday night. E and I have never done the movie thing. We usually just go out for dinners. I really wanted to see The Departed (great movie, you need to go see it) and thought it would be fun to take E with me. Big mistake!

I go pick up E and things are fine until he starts pulling out packages and packages of bubble gum. He kept unwrapping each piece and started shoving them into his mouth. E’s at least nice enough to ask me if I want some, but I decline. I swear he has shoved five pieces of Bubblicious into his mouth. And once they lost its flavor in five minutes, he spits it out and shoved more gum into his mouth. I’m like, what is wrong with you. We’re almost at the theater when E tells me he can’t find the gum he’s spit out. I gave him the death stare where my eyes are bugging, and the vein in my forehead starts to throb. We are in my brand new car, and this kid may have lost his wad of gum on my new leather seats. I could’ve stabbed him right there. I tell him that he better find the gum before it gets all over my seat or he will never be allowed to ride in my car again. Thankfully he finds the gum and gets to keep his head for one more day.

As we are walking up to the theater, E proceeded to ask what movie we are going to see. I tell him The Departed, and he’s like, can we go see Jackass 2 instead. Again, I just give him The Look. Of course we aren’t going to see Jackass 2; I told him a zillion times already that we are going to see The Departed. He’s asks what’s this movie even about. Already I was dreading my decision to bring him to this movie.

I bought E his ticket to the movie and he tells me that he’ll buy my popcorn and cherry iccie. I’m thinking that’s a fair enough deal. We get to the concession stand and E says I only have $10. Argh! He gives me the $10 and I pay the difference. I look at him and tell him that he’s lucky this isn’t a real date because he’s making a very bad impression.

We sit down and actually start talking about how this is the worst “non-date” ever. I agree and tell him that this is the first and last time we ever do this. And he complains that he is always going out on dates with girls that have boyfriends. I laugh so hard at this one because it’s so true. But remember this isn’t really a date.

I forgot that E has really bad ADD and cannot sit still longer than five minutes. This movie is at least 2.5 hours long. Towards the end of it, he starts to fidget and check his phone every ten minutes to see what time it is. He also decides to keep whispering to me, why isn’t this movie over yet, this movie is too long. I really wanted to punch him, or at least shove a sock in his mouth to shut him up. I just kept gritting my teeth and told him to stop talking. Seriously, never doing this again with him.

That was probably the worst “non-date” ever. I am thankful that E and I are not really dating cause if we were, I might’ve killed him by now. And E, you know as I write this, that I’m only half joking about it all and that I do adore you and our friendship. I just think we need to stick to just doing dinners as our form of friendship.

Adventures in Babysitting

My parents are visiting my brother in Oakland right now, so I am babysitting all the animals. God help us all. They left early Thursday morning, and I have been alone with the dogs and bird since then. So far they are all still alive and I am counting down the minutes till my parents come home Tuesday night. To prepare me for taking care of the animals, my Mother made a list for me. Here it is:

Feed Pepper & Bear

½ cup in the morning (Bear and Pepper has their own food)
2 of ¾ cup at night with slices of turkey. My dogs are spoiled and cannot eat just plain dog food. They will actually just look at a bowl of plain dog food, sniff it, scoff at it, and then walk away.

Important: Please check and clean his back (behind) every time when he comes in the house after he poo poo. She is referring to my dog Pepper. A job that sucks, but must be done because sometimes his shit is running and gets all over himself. Lovely.

Medicine
For Pepper: 1 and ¼ tablet on Thursday and Monday night before you give him a dinner (wrapping a pill w/meat)

For Bear: 1 tablet of thyroids pills, 3 tablets of Medrol every morning. Bear has thyroid problems and allergies. I know, I know.

Tweetie:
1 spoon of his food every morning and bird gravel. The left over give to the bird outside.

Please change a newspaper at night time, and water if dirty.

Cover his cage at night and uncover the cage in the morning. I like how she bolded that part cause she thinks I will leave his cage covered up all day.

For the Bird Outside: 4 cups every morning. The bird seed in the container in the garage.

Call me if you have any questions. Thanks Baby.

These notes were added to the list and handwritten.

Fill the bowl of water under my sink’s bedroom.
Take trash out on Tuesday and Friday.
Close the gate at dinning room and living room.

It was great. That Wednesday night I was over at my parent’s house and my Mom just kept quizzing me and showing me where she kept everything for the dogs. As she is showing me Pepper’s medication, I ask, “So he gets these pills every night?” She screams, “Noooo! Only on Thursdays and Mondays. I have it in bold on the list! You’re going to OD him.” And then she just gives me this withering look of distrust and malice. She then says, “Have you been paying attention to anything?” All night she kept giving me that look, and now she’s all worried that I won’t do a good job of taking care of the babies.

The first morning went off without a hitch. I fed the dogs their breakfast, which they refused to eat so I had to give them slices of bread instead. I made the one mistake of forgetting to put my things up on higher ground where Bear can’t reach it. Bear has this problem of chewing anything left within his reach. Especially things that are soft. He for some reason loves toilet paper, and will eat the toilet paper off the roll, so my parents no longer keep toilet paper on the roll in the bathroom and instead place it on top of the toilet. I had brought over a new bag of overnight pads and forgot to put them away. When I came home, I went upstairs to change and found that Bear had eaten all of them except for three! I am screaming at him, “Why would you do that? What is wrong with you? Am I going to have to take you to the hospital now to pump your stomach or will this just come out naturally?” Freaking Mutt. I have no idea why he does this.

That has been the only really big incident. My parents have called me everyday to check in on the dogs to make sure they are still alive. They say they miss me, but that’s complete bullshit. They just don’t trust me alone with the dogs and bird.

I really do love my dogs; I just forgot how much work it is to take care of them. I forgot how needy they are and how they really are almost like kids. I feel like I have to constantly entertain them and make sure they aren’t missing my parents too much. I know they will be ecstatic when they come. I know I will be.

Stop Being Such A Worry Wart

Today at work I almost had a panic attack. Just lovely. Luckily, if you want to call it that, I’ve come close to having one before so I know how to recognize the signs. I could actually feel the anxiety building last night. To counter attack it I went to the gym to run the anxiety down or my body down so that I could actually get some sleep. It sorta worked, I was exhausted, but when it was time to go to sleep I just couldn’t do it. I was tossing and turning and I could feel the tension building. My hands were balled into fists; partly cause I was so frustrated and partly cause I was trying to keep the anxiety in. My whole right shoulder started to stiffen up and by that point I had a pounding headache. I eventually fell asleep but I woke up with a pinched nerve in my shoulder blade from all the tension.

I woke up feeling a little better. It’s a new day, new problems to tackle. Around lunch time I had a surge of anxiety rush me. I started to feel claustrophobic like the walls were caving in on me. I was breathing in short gasps and my hands were shaking. I knew that if I didn’t do something soon I was going to have a full-blown panic attack at my desk. I needed to get out and breathe. I needed to do something besides sit there and let the anxiety overpower me. I grabbed the keys and drove, and that really helped a lot.

I know why I’m having anxiety. I’m just not sure yet on what’s the best way to deal with it. I’ve always been a perpetual worrier and I need to learn that there are things in my life that I cannot control and instead of worrying about those things I need to embrace what I have right here right now. I need to stop looking so far into my future and focus on enjoying the life I have now.

The True Loves of My Life

For those of you who have ever owned a pet or are an avid animal lover then you need to read Marley and Me by John Grogan. It’s a loveable tale of a family and their crazed manic dog Marley. Marley was a terror to behold as a puppy and as he grew into adulthood he still had plenty of antics left in him. But his family still loved him despite all of his faults and they came to admire his tenacity for life and his ability to love so freely. I breezed through this book in about two weeks. I would lie in bed at night and I would not want to put this book down. It’s a touching story that I could relate to because in my household we were always surrounded by dogs. I literally laughed out loud during some chapters because at least one of my dogs has committed the same crimes that Marley did. At the end of the story, I cried my eyes out remembering each passing of my babies.

After reading this book, I started to think about how blessed I am to have had unconditional love from all the dogs that graced my life. First there was OC. By the time I met OC he was an adult, settled into his mid-life and no longer the wild puppy that grew up with my brother. By the way OC stands for Out of Control. OC was such a sweet tempered dog. He did not have a mean bone in his body and was so polite and generous to all. He was so smart too. He could roll over, sit up and shake paws on command. OC was definitely my Brother’s dog. They grew up together from when my Brother was just a toddler. I was always jealous that my Brother had his own dog.

On my 7th birthday, I finally got my wish and got a dog of my own. Best Friend Ever had just gotten a puppy, but unfortunately for her, her Mom was allergic to him. So as my birthday present, BFE and her family gave me Coco. Coco was about 6 months old and the most arrogant Beagle-mix I had ever met. But I was so excited to finally have my own dog. I still remember that birthday party like it was yesterday. BFE comes through the door and the first thing I ask is “Where is my present (like the selfish little girl that I still am)?” And her Mom replied, “Coco is your present.” I screamed for my Mom saying, “I got a dog!” at the top of my lungs.

While OC was calm and collect, Coco was brash and arrogant. He looked around at his new digs and you could almost see the gleam in his eyes like he hit the jackpot. Talk about a dog that had airs. Like a typical Beagle, Coco was so stubborn. Never listened to a word we said to him, and only came to us when he felt like it. And poor OC was settling into retirement and now had to deal with this guy. Coco used to grab OC by the tail and just drag him around. And sweet OC let him. OC loved Coco as much as Coco loved OC.

OC died when I was 11 years old. In his old age he could no longer climb the stairs and my Dad would have to carry him to bed. He also started to get seizures. My parents didn’t want him to suffer anymore so they made the decision to put him to sleep. My brother during this time was away at college. I remember saying goodbye to OC and crying as my Dad took him to the vet. He was the first person with whom I loved dearly that died. I remember going to Coco for comfort and rejoicing in the fact that I still had him.

Just when we got used to having one dog in the house again, my Dad goes out and get two little puppies. The Twins as I like to refer to them came into my life when I was 13 years old. They were six weeks old and cute as pie. I fell in love with them the minute I laid eyes on them. One puppy was white with brown spots, while the other was white with black spots. We named them Brownie and Pepper. Talk about a handful. Even though they were twins, Pepper and Brownie were complete opposites of one another. Pepper was the brave one, nothing scared this little guy and he was always eating. Brownie was shyer, a little more timid than his outgoing brother. I remember Pepper used to chase Brownie around with an old beaten up plastic baseball bat. They loved that game.

Now it was Coco’s turn to be the old man. He took it well. But I know at times he was jealous at all the attention the two newest members of our family got. Coco was still top dog though. All he had to do was give the Puppies his Don’t Bother Me Stare and they would cower away from him. But Coco also loved playing with them. Brownie idolized Coco and would sit there and lick the inside of his ear. It was such a fun time to have puppies in the house. It’s amazing how fast they grow.

We were a happy family with 3 dogs in our lives and then came Bear. My Brother’s friend had found this dog left behind at a rest stop, and my Brother took him in. Bogey says that he was not allowed to have dogs in his place, but I think he just didn’t realize how much work it would take. So he dumped Bear on us. Man, the other dogs were not happy about this one. Bear was almost an adult, so he wasn’t scared of Coco’s mean glare and thought the Twins were harmless. If one of the dogs pissed off Bear, he would let them know by attacking him. One fight was so bad that poor Coco had to get stitches on his ear cause it was ripped up.

Bear slept in my room cause the other dogs wouldn’t let him in my Mom’s. Because of that bond of sleeping with me, Bear trusted me completely. He’s very head sensitive and doesn’t like other people touching him on his head, but he’ll gladly let me. I soon came to think of Bear as my dog.

As typical with the Beagle breed, Coco developed a heart condition. His heart was basically swelling in size. The night Coco died my Dad and I was watching The Perfect Storm (to this day, I cannot watch that movie). Coco kept whining to come up on the couch. I picked him up and put him behind me. I looked back a moment later, and he was gone. It looked like he was sleeping, but he was no longer breathing. My heart broke. My little Butterball left me. We laid him down on the floor, and I cried lying right next to him, holding him close to my heart. My proud Beagle with the chicken chest was gone.

The house seemed so quiet without Coco there, even though we still had 3 dogs. Coco was the ringleader of the group. The one to stir the others into a barking frenzy. A few years after that, it was Brownie’s turn to go. My quiet shy little guy had kidney failure. We tried everything we could to stop him from fading away, even giving him dialysis treatments to help his kidneys work properly. It wasn’t working. All of our dogs are great eaters and tend to be on the heavy side, and Brownie was wasting away to nothing. We knew we couldn’t keep torturing him like this. We were just being selfish. Out of the Puppies, I’ve always favored Brownie. Pepper was a Mama’s boy and always followed my Mom around. But Brownie loved me. Even as an adult, he still loved to climb into my lap to take a nap or to just be petted. He would sit in my lap look up at me and then smile. I spent my last day with Brownie letting him sleep one last time in my lap. At the vet’s office, when the Dr. injected Brownie it happened instantly. My baby boy with the beautiful brown eyes was meeting his hero Coco again. I was devastated. I always thought that the Twins would grow old together and now poor Puppy was all by himself.

So now my household is down to two dogs. Its Fat Dog (Pepper) and Broken Dog (Bear) as I like to fondly call them. You can see the age showing on both of them. Especially Fat Dog. He has blossomed to 50 pounds and let me remind you that he is supposed to be a small sized dog. And in his old age he’s even more attached to my Mom, even whining for her when she’s outside and he’s in. Bear still loves to play hide and seek with me and giving me smooches on demand. I have loved these dogs with all my heart and will continue to do so even when they are all gone. To this day I still have dreams about OC, Coco and Brownie. I feel like it’s my way of keeping them close to me and in each dream I’m so happy to get to see them one more time. I am truly lucky to have had them in my life and I will cherish my memories of them.

My New Car!

This weekend I got myself a new baby. Yes, that’s right folks. I have found something that I love more than my Bear. Hell, I found something that I love more than myself! I just bought myself a brand new 2006 Acura TSX!!! I’m absolutely in love with her. She is ice blue and has that new car smell that I love. Her interior is this gorgeous smoky gray. Not only does she come with XM Satellite radio, but she also has a Navigation system that I can talk to! I can even have it talk to me in a male or female voice depending on my choice. Not only does she have heated seats, but also dual temperature control, where the passenger can control their side of the car if they don’t agree with how I have it set. This car is amazing, and I’m in love.

As I wrote earlier, my Ethel was on her last legs. She needed a new clutch and had a host of other problems, and it just wasn’t worth it to invest anymore money into her. So I began the chore of test-driving vehicles. I first started off at the Honda dealership. I was going to appease my Father and test drive the new Civic, all the while knowing that I would never get that and really wanted the new Accord. And I have to say the Civic handled well, but it wasn’t really what I was looking for nor what I really wanted. And the Honda Accord handled superbly. That was settled for me. I was going to get the Honda Accord.


But in the back of my mind, I really wanted the Acura. I came to terms that at this point in my life I cannot afford the TL, and I really didn’t need that nice of a car. But I thought, why not try the TSX. So I went to my local dealer to test-drive the TSX, and it was love at first sight. It’s a little smaller than the Accord, but handles 10x better. It still has that sporty car feel, but also the luxury of a mid-size sedan. And the car comes fully loaded with features that are standard on it (except for the Navigation) while on other vehicles you’d have to pay extra. After that test-drive I knew I wanted that car. Now it was only a matter of convincing my Father.

I know, I’m 26 and a grown ass adult. But to my Father, I am still his little girl, and he thought the Civic was more suited for me. He was putting money for the down payment. But I interject that this was money owed to me that I had never collected on. I had to remind my Father that I am a grown woman and that in the end I would be the one making the monthly payments and would be driving the car so really it should be my choice in the end. So I did the pre-emptive strive and started e-mailing different dealerships to get their costs. And from there I negotiated the price I wanted. My Dad started to do more and more research on my car, and he finally admitted that he liked it and thought it was a good automobile.

So this weekend we went out and bought my new car. I am so excited. This is my first major purchase. This is my first car in my own name. It is tremendously exciting for me. Now I just need to think of a name for her. I’m all open for suggestions.