Worst "Non-Date" Ever

I promised my friend I wasn’t going to write about my “non-date” with him, but looking back at it, I just can’t resist. I invited my friend, which I’ll call E, out to the movies on Saturday night. E and I have never done the movie thing. We usually just go out for dinners. I really wanted to see The Departed (great movie, you need to go see it) and thought it would be fun to take E with me. Big mistake!

I go pick up E and things are fine until he starts pulling out packages and packages of bubble gum. He kept unwrapping each piece and started shoving them into his mouth. E’s at least nice enough to ask me if I want some, but I decline. I swear he has shoved five pieces of Bubblicious into his mouth. And once they lost its flavor in five minutes, he spits it out and shoved more gum into his mouth. I’m like, what is wrong with you. We’re almost at the theater when E tells me he can’t find the gum he’s spit out. I gave him the death stare where my eyes are bugging, and the vein in my forehead starts to throb. We are in my brand new car, and this kid may have lost his wad of gum on my new leather seats. I could’ve stabbed him right there. I tell him that he better find the gum before it gets all over my seat or he will never be allowed to ride in my car again. Thankfully he finds the gum and gets to keep his head for one more day.

As we are walking up to the theater, E proceeded to ask what movie we are going to see. I tell him The Departed, and he’s like, can we go see Jackass 2 instead. Again, I just give him The Look. Of course we aren’t going to see Jackass 2; I told him a zillion times already that we are going to see The Departed. He’s asks what’s this movie even about. Already I was dreading my decision to bring him to this movie.

I bought E his ticket to the movie and he tells me that he’ll buy my popcorn and cherry iccie. I’m thinking that’s a fair enough deal. We get to the concession stand and E says I only have $10. Argh! He gives me the $10 and I pay the difference. I look at him and tell him that he’s lucky this isn’t a real date because he’s making a very bad impression.

We sit down and actually start talking about how this is the worst “non-date” ever. I agree and tell him that this is the first and last time we ever do this. And he complains that he is always going out on dates with girls that have boyfriends. I laugh so hard at this one because it’s so true. But remember this isn’t really a date.

I forgot that E has really bad ADD and cannot sit still longer than five minutes. This movie is at least 2.5 hours long. Towards the end of it, he starts to fidget and check his phone every ten minutes to see what time it is. He also decides to keep whispering to me, why isn’t this movie over yet, this movie is too long. I really wanted to punch him, or at least shove a sock in his mouth to shut him up. I just kept gritting my teeth and told him to stop talking. Seriously, never doing this again with him.

That was probably the worst “non-date” ever. I am thankful that E and I are not really dating cause if we were, I might’ve killed him by now. And E, you know as I write this, that I’m only half joking about it all and that I do adore you and our friendship. I just think we need to stick to just doing dinners as our form of friendship.