Today at work I almost had a panic attack. Just lovely. Luckily, if you want to call it that, I’ve come close to having one before so I know how to recognize the signs. I could actually feel the anxiety building last night. To counter attack it I went to the gym to run the anxiety down or my body down so that I could actually get some sleep. It sorta worked, I was exhausted, but when it was time to go to sleep I just couldn’t do it. I was tossing and turning and I could feel the tension building. My hands were balled into fists; partly cause I was so frustrated and partly cause I was trying to keep the anxiety in. My whole right shoulder started to stiffen up and by that point I had a pounding headache. I eventually fell asleep but I woke up with a pinched nerve in my shoulder blade from all the tension.
I woke up feeling a little better. It’s a new day, new problems to tackle. Around lunch time I had a surge of anxiety rush me. I started to feel claustrophobic like the walls were caving in on me. I was breathing in short gasps and my hands were shaking. I knew that if I didn’t do something soon I was going to have a full-blown panic attack at my desk. I needed to get out and breathe. I needed to do something besides sit there and let the anxiety overpower me. I grabbed the keys and drove, and that really helped a lot.
I know why I’m having anxiety. I’m just not sure yet on what’s the best way to deal with it. I’ve always been a perpetual worrier and I need to learn that there are things in my life that I cannot control and instead of worrying about those things I need to embrace what I have right here right now. I need to stop looking so far into my future and focus on enjoying the life I have now.
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