Weakness

I am weak. So very pathetically weak. I am completely controlled by my id and have no self-control over my carnal desires. I demand immediate satisfaction and when offered a cookie now or two cookies ten minutes later, I will always want the cookie right now. Its been said that patience is a virtue and that good things come to those who wait. I have never understood either of these two adages.

I didn’t even last a full month of my lockdown. I can’t even stand by my own proclamation. And I can’t even blame him for it because I knew exactly what I wanted, and I threw all promises to myself out the window. Damn, me for having no willpower.

I would vow to go on another lockdown, but clearly the first lockdown didn’t do me any good. Therefore I have to get rid of the root of the problem and cut-off all communication with the outside world and shelter myself from him. Really, I just need to not answer my phone when a certain someone calls me and ignore whatever message is left on my voicemail. I need to stick by my word and walk away for good or else I'll always be stuck in this endless cycle.

Let’s see how long I can last. Hopefully a lot longer than three weeks.