Tick Tock Tick Tock

My close friend gave birth earlier this month to a beautiful baby girl. Both Mother and Daughter are doing great! I’m so happy for her. I know that she will make a great Mom and her husband will make a great Dad.

Her baby is so precious, but seeing how tired she looks, I just know that I’m not there yet. I’m way too selfish and can barely take care of myself; I cannot imagine being responsible for another life. I know that emotionally I’m not ready to be a mother either. I need to fix some of my personal issues first before I take on the task of rearing children.

I know I’ve said it before that I just don’t like kids and mainly its because I don’t know how to relate to them. Even when I was younger and used to baby-sit (I was actually probably only 5-8 yrs older than my charges), I had a hard time interacting with them. I don’t know how to kid it down and bring it on their level.

Kids make me nervous because I feel like they can see right through me and know that I’m a complete fake. There are no fooling children, they observe so much and can be brutally honest. They also look like the suck the life out of you, are needy and dependent.

But I do want one. I want to experience what its like to be a mother and to love another being more than life itself. I want to experience the joys and triumphs of parenthood along with the trials and tribulations that come with it. My biological clock has not started ticking yet, but I do feel it winding up. It’s slowly preparing itself.

Seeing my friend and her new family, I was envious. Not because I want a baby right not, but I want that special bond that her and her husband share. The way they look at each other, the intimate smiles they give, the sweet way he takes care of her because she’s so tuckered out from being with the baby all day. I want that. I want to find someone I love so much that I want to make a baby with him.

My biological clock isn’t ticking for a baby, but it is ticking for a relationship …

To be Continued ...